Listening to this song makes me upset because of my brother and the lyrics. He was the one who introduced me to this song. I think I know whats in his mind now. I want to help, but I don't know where and how should I start off with. Sigh, I'm such a failure sister. I always rant my anger and sadness at him, yet I didn't know that he is at a position far worse than me. At this point of time, I feel like pushing the blame to someone, but whats the point? I can't believe I'm so selfish towards my family; I can't believe I actually told him not to apply for University of Manchester because I don't want him to be here. How the fuck can I even have such thinking?! I'm such a screwed up sister.

I remember clearly that my mom always tell me not to spill everything about myself out. According to her perspective, she thinks that its best to preserve some things to ourselves, especially for girls. For example, she said to me before that if I love someone very much, I mustn't show it out nor say, in terms of relationship wise. And the reason she gave for her belief was to protect myself from being hurt or cheated. Though I'm always against her thinking, somehow her teaching has a huge influence on me, just that I never know until recently. So today, I've suddenly decided to spill every facts about me that I can think of right now. Yes, this sounds very random, but I just want to... I want to break free from my secrets that I've been hiding.

Warning: May contain explicit content!!!

So here I go....

1. I really don't know why the hell am I doing Law when I'm such a lazy person! Besides, I actually hate reading Law textbooks!! And I fall asleep almost every time I read it!
    
2. Though I might seem to new friends that I'm a bubbly, talkative and cheerful person, I'm actually not! Honestly, I'm rather shy in front of new friends or strangers, just that I pretend to be an outspoken person! And in front of the guy I like, I never really dare to speak up!
3. I still miss C very much and I still dream of him every now and then. I actually hoped that I could bump into him so that we could patch things up. It was a lie for me to say that he's out of my system. Many songs I still try to avoid because the lyrics reminds me of him, which still makes me cry sometimes. Whenever I re-read the letters he gave me, I'll surely turn emo and cry -_-
4. It has been almost 2 years since I last slept with someone, so sometimes, I feel horny!! (HAHA)
5. I really hate hypocrites, though sometimes I'm one myself.
6. When I'm bored at home, I'll try out all my clothing again and treat it as if I'm running a fashion show!
7. Even though I told others that I'm ready to commit into a relationship, I doubt it myself! Am I really ready to commit? Hmmm..
8. I'm a sentimental and emotional girl; I never bear to throw anything away and I get emo very often. Maybe I'm suffering from some emotion illness?
9. I talk to myself in front of the mirror. Why? I don't know as well. ( But I'm not insane!)
10. For some reason or so, I just love sleeping and doing nothing at home! Surprisingly, I don't get bored and time flies when I do nothing! In this aspect, my nothing means just walking around the house the whole day for no reason.
11. I always contradict myself! Maybe because I'm too fickle minded.
12. I love drinking, but I'm a bad drinker! 
13. I really think that I'm chubby and need to lose some weight. Please don't say that I look just fine because I know one day my friends will just ask: what the fuck happened? Why are you so fat now?!
14. I hate my full moon face and my big foots!
15. I always wish that I was pretty, outstanding and smart. Who doesn't?!
16. Currently, I don't know what to do with M and T because I think I've got a crush on both of them! Yet S encouraged me to give up on T because he's at Singapore :( As for M, I suppose he only takes me as a good friend. Besides, he knows the existance of T in my life.
17. I am still thinking ways to go back Melbourne, even if its a holiday trip I'm satisfied.
18. Though I always complain about my mom and brother, I actually love them a lot.
19. Oh, I can never stop complaining about things. I blame my hormones!
20. I always imagine what would I do if I can turn back time.
21. I hate wearing G string, because its so damn uncomfortable! ( Though it makes myself feel sexy, haha)
22. I have a lot of unrealistic dreams and fantasize, such as I hope that I've got a machine to print money or imagine if I am one of the character in the TV series.
23. I am very jealous and envious of happy and loving couples! Sometimes I wish I could seperate them from cuddling and kissing in front of me!

Oh my, I can go on with this forever! LOL. Alright, I'm off to nap and afterwards I got to continue squeezing my brain juice for my bloody essay.

I want a Serval or Savannah cat! Gosh, if you don't know what breed the cat is, then you must check out this webites:

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serval and en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Savannah_cat

This 2 breeds are simply beautiful! Awwwww, I want it so badly now and I heard its a very expensive breed! :( Probably I'll get it once I've found a place that I want to settle down at.

Anyway, after 1 month of waiting, yesterday I've finally gotten my printer from Argos. I must say the management within Argos is really horrible! The company is so big til they have serious communication breakdown!! Forget it, what really matter most is that I've gotten my printer :D

Aaaah, I'm so sleepy now. Off for a short nap, later!

Awwww, I just love their voices!

11/8/2009		2:43:39 AM		S		me		i have considered throughout the night... you are the one im looking for.. do i deserve a chance??
11/8/2009		2:44:33 AM		me		S		errrr.... we'll just stay as friends
11/8/2009		2:45:15 AM		S		me		wats the restriction??
11/8/2009		2:45:36 AM		me		S		normal friends
11/8/2009		2:46:43 AM		S		me		i mean... wats the reason that is keeping you from this?
11/8/2009		2:49:38 AM		me		S		are you really asking me this?
11/8/2009		2:50:03 AM		S		me		yeah
11/8/2009		2:52:21 AM		me		S		i'll offend you if i say
11/8/2009		2:52:59 AM		S		me		its ok.. just say
11/8/2009		2:53:45 AM		me		S		firstly, you're already attached, which actually dont make your sound or look good asking me such questions. besides, i've got someone else in mind.
11/8/2009		2:54:47 AM		me		S		not even mentioning that you're rushing into things when you actually dont understand me well enough?
11/8/2009		2:55:03 AM		me		S		no offence, just saying out since you want to know
11/8/2009		2:58:32 AM		S		me		ok.... wat u said is fair enough... but are u sure that im still attached now??
11/8/2009		3:00:02 AM		me		S		honestly, i dont know if you're still attached now or not. but previously, i saw it on fb. even so if you're not attached, how could you actually move on so quickly? its really quite bad to jump into another relationship when you've just broken up a few weeks ago?
11/8/2009		3:16:21 AM		S		me		honestly, its not a matter of few weeks.. the problem is there thoughout the five years with her..
11/8/2009		3:19:42 AM		me		S		errrr... it doesnt matter to me on your previous or current relationship with her. i dont want to get involved
11/8/2009		3:22:54 AM		S		me		ya you are right.. treat it that i nv said anything tonight..
11/8/2009		3:23:26 AM		me		S		dont worry, i'll take it as you've not mention anything
11/8/2009		3:24:11 AM		S		me		ya.. still friends right?
11/8/2009		3:24:34 AM		me		S		of course we're still friends
11/8/2009		3:30:29 AM		S		me		alright.. have a good rest.. but i dun tink u are sleeping so early..
11/8/2009		3:32:01 AM		me		S		okay. goodnight

What the hell is wrong with these type of guys?! Obviously, when someone rejects you, it means that he/she is not interested in you!! And that he/she doesn't like you!!! So why try to make it hard and embarrassing for both parties by asking the reason for the rejection? Why on earth would someone wants to pursue further on this matter?!?! Gosh, I really despise such guys. The worse part for this particular guy is that he still tried to argue back with me when he is morally wrong! And the way he phrased his words sounded like he thinks he is a good catch, when I think otherwise. Horrible, horrible person!

I know this entry might triggers others to think that I'm a scary or dangerous or unreliable person by pasting out the conversation, but I'm just speaking out my thoughs and emotions. Do note that I'm not trying to offend or humiliate or insult anyone; I mean no harm. Besides, I didn't initially wanted to post an entry regarding such issues, just that today I went to check on his Facebook to see if I've mistaken or misunderstood him. And there it is, on Facebook stating that he's in a relationship with his girlfriend's name. There are also a number of recent tagged photos on him and his girlfriend. Eeeeww, I'm feeling very disgusted by him!